


Blast from the past

by manicmama



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-18
Updated: 2015-05-18
Packaged: 2018-03-31 04:45:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3964867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/manicmama/pseuds/manicmama
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel met Dean on the road many years ago. They had one weekend together, before real life intruded and Castiel left to take on his responsibilities. A chance meeting sends up sparks from a long-forgotten fire.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blast from the past

Castiel Novak, aged 37,salesman, religious leader and pillar of his community, opened the door of the Biggerson’s restaurant in Pontiac, Illinois, and ushered his wife and daughter inside. They didn’t eat at what he called “junk food” restaurants often, but this is what his daughter had particularly wanted to do for her 13th birthday treat, and he found it hard to deny her anything. She was his only child and very precious to him. The small family seated themselves at a table and perused the menus given to them by the waiter.

“Well, it all looks so delicious I don’t know what to choose!” said Castiel, pulling a funny face at his daughter Claire. 

“Daddy!” she exclaimed, laughing, “just this one time, could you just relax and enjoy being wicked?”

Amelia, his wife, smiled at them both.

“I’m sure just one burger won’t hurt us – and it’s nice to have the night off from cooking, that’s for sure!”

Just then a deep husky voice spoke from directly behind Castiel.

“Well – didn’t expect to bump into you in here.”

Castiel started, and turned fast in his seat as the eyes of his wife and daughter rose to gaze at the good-looking if slightly rough, man standing behind him. 

“Dean!” he said “I never thought… I.. um… what are you doing here?”

Amelia looked puzzled and asked,

“Is this a friend of yours honey? Why don’t you introduce us?”

Dean’s green eyes ran slowly over her as he smiled a lopsided grin.

“Wouldn’t exactly call us friends, ma’am. We only met once when I helped him out of a tight spot – he probably never mentioned me.”

Amelia blushed – it was something about the way he looked at her – slightly predatory - all of a sudden she was glad that Claire was only 13 and couldn’t be expected to attract the attention of a man like this. She suddenly wished she had more clothes on, although she was very modestly dressed as befitted her religious beliefs – Dean made her feel naked. She looked at Castiel for guidance, but he seemed to be just as flustered as she was.

“It.. it was some time ago, sweetheart – when I had that car trouble on the way home from Seattle – before we were married.. I’m sure I mentioned that I had help getting back on the road..” Castiel tailed off.

“Well, goodness,” Amelia laughed, “that was more than ten years ago! You must have a good memory for faces, Mr..?” She finished enquiringly.

“Winchester. Dean Winchester, but just call me Dean. Always sounds like trouble when someone calls me Mr.” Dean grinned, leaning over to shake her hand.

The thought went through Amelia’s head that this man had probably seen a lot of trouble – had probably caused more than his fair share of it, but she suppressed the uncharitable thought. Castiel had so far not spoken again, but now he asked,

“What brings you here, Dean? I thought you were based in South Dakota?”

Dean’s eyes travelled to Castiel and rested on his face.  
“Just passing through. Me and Sammy – that’s my brother over there “ he turned and pointed at a tall young man sitting at a table across the restaurant, who waved a hand at them “– we’re just down this way on business. Then we’ll be heading back to Sioux Falls. We’re staying at the River Motel just outside of town for a few days.” 

Amelia wondered what kind of business he and his brother could be on, since both were dressed in slightly battered jeans and coats, Dean had some visible scars on his hands, and both men appeared to carry an almost palpable aura of danger, or trouble at least. Again, she suppressed the unkind thoughts, and said, brightly

“If you’re in town for a few days, you must come to dinner at our house one evening – you and your brother of course – to repay you for all the trouble you took on Castiel’s behalf all those years ago!” and she leaned over and rested her hand on her husband’s shoulder lovingly.

“Well, that’s very kind of you, ma’am – but our schedule is kinda crazy sometimes, so it’s best not to make arrangements. Maybe another time.”

“Please don’t call me ma’am” laughed Amelia. “makes me feel about a hundred! I’m Amelia, and this is Claire, our daughter. It’s her birthday today, which is why we’re eating here.”

She glanced at Claire as she spoke, and realised with a sinking heart that 13 wasn’t too young to be interested in bad boys – Claire’s mouth was hanging slightly open and she had a starstruck look in her eyes that worried her mother intensely. Amelia was quite glad that Dean had turned down her dinner invite.

“Happy to meet you Amelia – Claire – Cas” his eyes once again lingered on Castiel, “maybe we’ll bump into each other again sometime.” And Dean smiled at each of them, turned and walked back to the table where his brother sat.  
Castiel seemed uncomfortable and all too aware of the man now sitting at the table across the restaurant. 

“Well!” he rubbed his hands together and exclaimed brightly. “Let’s choose something to eat!” as the waiter came up to take their order.

 

Later that evening, after Claire had gone to bed, Castiel and Amelia were sitting in their living room enjoying a glass of wine. Neither of them had much to say, both busy with thoughts remarkably similar. 

“Honey, that man seemed to remember you quite well,” Amelia said with a small frown. “You were only stranded in Sioux Falls for the one night, weren’t you?”

“No, sweetheart, I was there for two nights, remember? We had some trouble getting the part needed for the car so I didn’t get back until late Monday. You know I don’t like to travel on a Sunday. And maybe he doesn’t help out many stranded travellers, so it stuck out in his mind.” Castiel smiled.

“Oh.. yes, I remember now..” she said, still looking uneasy. “So… what did you do on the Sunday? Did you find a local church to go to?”

“No, I.. it seemed an imposition to ask Dean to drive me into town after he’d already done so much. I worshipped in my own heart – and I tried to help out with the car, but you know I’m not much good at auto repairs, so.. he got on with it while I watched, really. You know, I never really.. thanked him properly.. I think I might take a drive down to the River Motel and talk to him.”

Amelia looked a little surprised.

“But Castiel, that was so long ago! I’m sure he doesn’t need thanking after all this time!”

“No, but..” Castiel shifted uncomfortably. “ Didn’t it strike you that he and his brother didn’t seem very well off? I thought maybe I could offer some money – and to be honest, sweetheart, I have a bit of indigestion from that meal – maybe being out and about a bit will settle my stomach.”

“You’re so generous, Castiel.” Amelia sighed. “Yes, those boys did look in need of some cash and it’s like your good heart to want to help. But… be careful, honey. There was something about those two that I didn’t quite like – just… don’t get mixed up in any trouble, ok?”

“Ok” he agreed, standing and bending to kiss her. “No bank robbing then” and was pleased to hear her chuckle.

He went outside and got into his car, a nondescript late model midrange Ford as befitted someone in his station in life. The radio came on as he started the car, a gospel station playing something with a soft rock beat, vaguely familiar but Castiel wasn’t really listening. His brow was creased with a frown and his mouth set in a grim line – his stomach was churning, but it wasn’t just from the unaccustomed greasy food – all sorts of emotions were running through him, making his heart beat faster and his breath shorten. It was all so long ago! Why had Dean come back to haunt him after all this time! It had taken him so long to force all of that down, all the longing for what he couldn’t , shouldn’t have, and take his place as the husband of Amelia, father of Claire and respected member of the community. That weekend, the lost weekend spent stranded in Sioux Falls had been carefully boxed away in his memory to gather dust - something once shining and precious that could threaten everything else he had built into his life. He drove with his usual care and courtesy, and in twenty minutes arrived at the River Motel. It was a seedy looking place, with flickering lights in the signboard and weeds growing around the parking lot. It looked like the type of place that might be willing to charge by the hour if that’s what you needed – not the sort of place Castiel ever thought he would find himself. He saw the long dark lines of a classic Chevy Impala parked outside one of the rooms, somehow managing to look dangerous and exciting even under the dim and flickering cheap lighting. He recognised the car, and slid into the parking slot next to it, stopping his engine. As the radio died, he sat there for a moment, gathering himself – then suddenly leaned forward and began to bang his head against the steering wheel.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid! I must be stupid! What am I doing? What, in God’s name, do I hope to accomplish here? Why am I so weak?!”

He jumped as he heard tapping on the car window, and looked up to see Dean watching him, that familiar lazy grin on his face. The sodium lighting gave his face a faintly orange cast, and almost made him look demonic – but maybe that was Castiel’s overactive imagination. He wound down the window.

“Hey, Cas” said Dean, softly.

“Hello, Dean” replied Castiel, and all of a sudden the years seemed to roll back and he was 22 again, looking at the man who’d come to his rescue when his car had broken down just outside Sioux Falls. That man had been about his own age but seeming older, tall, broad of shoulder, tanned and muscular, with short brown hair and incredible green eyes – this was the same man, slightly stockier, slightly more lined around the eyes, but the same grin and the same smiling eyes. Castiel felt his heart leap in his chest.

“You’re the only one who ever called me Cas,” he said inconsequently. “Everyone else calls me by my full name.”

“Sorry, man,” Dean smiled. “Castiel is too much – you still look like more of a Cas to me. Did you come down here to see me?”

“Yes. Yes, I did.” Castiel answered, his reminiscent smile fading. “I’m not sure why..”

“Well… come on in, man, have a beer and let’s see if we can find out. Sammy’s out for a while – he’ll be back in the morning.”

Castiel flushed at what this seemed to imply, but he got out of the car, locking it securely, and followed Dean into the motel room. It was just as seedy as he’d guessed it might be, the décor appeared to be late ‘70’s brothel, and that was probably the last time it had been cleaned too. The purple and green coverlets and curtains clashed with the orange walls, and there were gold tassels on the lampshades. The pattern on the carpet was faded, but still vivid enough to turn a stomach not used to psychedelia. There was a cheap formica table and two bamboo chairs near the window, Dean pulled one out for Castiel and headed for the small fridge, coming back with two beers and seating himself at ease with one booted foot slung over the other knee.

“So – wife and kids, then, Cas? Settled down to the suburban life?” Dean asked, twisting the top off of his beer.

“Kid.” Said Cas. “God never blessed us with another.”

Dean’s brows rose.

“Sounds like you’re still into all the religious stuff too”.

“Well, it’s partly my job,” said Castiel, feeling faintly defensive. Dean’s tone had been just this side of mocking. “I sell advertising for the local religious radio station. But yes, I’m still ‘into it’, as you put it. I’m a lay preacher at our church.”

Dean snorted.  
“Sounds like you’re a pillar of the community, man. I’m happy for you. Are you happy?” he shot out the question like a bullet. 

Taken by surprise, Castiel began to stammer.

“Of.. of course I’m happy! I love my wife.. and my daughter.. and I find my job rewarding, and.. why wouldn’t I be happy?” he demanded. 

Dean leaned back in his chair, which creaked in protest.

“I don’t know, man,” he said, faintly smiling. “But you came here to see me, and considering our history, that doesn’t look like the action of a happily married pillar of the community.”

The tone was more than slightly mocking now, and it drove Castiel to his feet, choking on the mouthful of beer he had been in the act of swallowing. His chair slammed to the floor behind him as he backed away from Dean.

“Don’t… don’t even think I came here to.. I didn’t… there’s nothing I want to…” he choked.

“Hey! Hey, take it easy, Cas, I was just yanking your chain a little!” said Dean, rising from his chair. “Took me a while to get over you when you left – guess I just wanted to stir you up a little.. hey, take it easy!”

As Castiel continued to cough on the beer, Dean approached him and put one arm around him, using the other to clap him on the back. The feel of Dean’s arm around him seemed to be the last straw for Castiel’s composure, and he burst into tears, turning towards Dean and wrapping his arms around Dean’s waist. The feel of the muscular body beneath his hands, and the familiar smell of Dean made him feel as if his heart was tearing in two, and he was helpless to stop the great sobs that came crowding up his throat, making it impossible for him to speak. He heard Dean speaking in his ear, soft words.

“It’s ok, man, it’s gonna be ok. I didn’t come here to hurt you – spoil things for you. It’ll be ok.”

But Castiel knew it couldn’t be now.

 

Castiel stood with his arms around Dean, his face buried against Dean’s neck, feeling Dean stroking his back, and he tried to regain control of himself. But it had all been repressed, forced down for so many years that it had to come out, and it took some time before he could speak. He felt a drop of liquid land on his cheek, and realised that Dean, too, was in the grip of strong emotion, and it helped to steady him. He pulled back from Dean, keeping his hands loosely around Dean’s waist, and sheepishly said,

“Sorry – I didn’t mean for that to happen.. I just..”

“Hey, it’s ok! I kind of pushed a few buttons there, Cas – I wanted to get some kind of reaction out of you” said Dean, smiling.

Castiel gave a watery sniff,

“Well, you certainly got a reaction – I hope it made you happy.”

Dean’s face was deadly serious as he leaned in towards Castiel.

“Right here and now? I couldn’t be happier, Cas. I never thought I’d see you again, let alone… this.”

And he bent his head and kissed Castiel full on the lips. Castiel’s whole body reacted with shock for a moment, and then – he relaxed, and kissed Dean back, one hand going to the back of Dean’s head and running through his hair. It all felt so familiar, and so natural, strangely more so than kissing his wife – he’d only kissed Dean on one crazy weekend 15 years ago, and he’d been with Amelia for longer than that, so he couldn’t work out why this felt better – felt like coming home. And right now he didn’t care too much either. As the kiss deepened and heated up, their tongues tangled together and their bodies pressed together closer and closer – Castiel could feel Dean hardening against him, and knew his body was reacting the same way. Their hands were running all over each other, Dean pulling Castiel’s shirt out from his pants so that he could touch his skin – Castiel felt that each touch of Dean’s hands was leaving fiery paths on him, his skin felt so sensitive – he couldn’t stop touching Dean, feeling the muscles jump and twitch as Dean became aroused by his touch. Finally, Dean broke the embrace,panting slightly and leaning back from Castiel to look deep into his eyes.

“Cas – are you sure you want to do this?” he asked.

Castiel smiled.

“Could you stop now? If I .. if I said I wasn’t sure..?” he asked.

Dean groaned, pulling Castiel against him again.

“Sure I could, if I had to – if this isn’t what you want.. “ he replied. “Not sure if it wouldn’t be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, though.”

“Dean,” Castiel said, hesitantly, “I think I want this more than I’ve ever wanted anything.”

Dean looked at him searchingly, and Castiel nodded.

“I want this to happen, Dean. I want it like we were once before.”

Dean slowly began to unbutton Castiel’s shirt and push it off of his shoulders and down his arms, his eyes never once leaving Castiel’s face. Then he bent his head to place slow kisses on the exposed skin as his hands went to the buckle of Castiel’s belt, undoing his pants and running his hands inside, across Castiel’s lower back and over the rise of his ass. Castiel gasped at the sensations running through him, and tugged at Dean’s belt. Dean stepped back from Castiel for a moment, and pulled his tshirt off over his head, leaving his hair ruffled up in spikes. He bent to pull off his boots, and Castiel took off his own shoes, kicking his pants to one side and leaving him standing there in his boxers, which were tented out by his erection. 

“Jesus, Cas. Look at you.” Dean marvelled, softly.

Castiel looked down at himself. He’d done his best to keep in trim, but he didn’t get in the sun much, and he couldn’t help comparing his white, gym-toned body to Dean’s tanned and muscular torso. Standing there in just his old jeans, Dean looked like some kind of a sex god – Cas was suddenly afraid that he wasn’t attractive enough to be with Dean. But then he looked up and caught Dean’s gaze – and saw overwhelming desire, strong enough to make Dean tremble – and was that something more? Was that love he saw in Dean’s eyes? A rush of desire ran through his own body, and he reached out to Dean, unfastening those jeans and watching Dean’s erection spring free. Castiel sank down onto the end of the bed and took Dean’s cock deep into his mouth, sucking in the old remembered way, enjoying the feel and the taste of Dean as Dean’s head went back and his hands gripped tightly into Castiel’s hair – enjoying the sound of Dean’s gasps as he sucked in long strokes, using his tongue to tease as he took it deeper and deeper.

“Christ… Cas… I can’t last long if you… do that..” Dean’s voice was hoarse with arousal, and Castiel raised his head from Dean’s cock.

“Then come and join me on the bed.” He invited, pulling Dean down beside him.

Dean slid out of his jeans, and pulled Castiels boxers off of him. The two men writhed together, getting off on the feeling of their cocks rubbing against each other. 

“Cas.. I.. christ, this feels so good! It’s been so long.. I need to fuck you, like, right now!” Dean groaned.

“Then fuck me, Dean – I want you to. I want you to do it to me like you did before – do it hard – make me come!” panted Castiel, feeling crazy, irresponsible.

Dean rolled on top of him and pushed his fingers into Castiel’s mouth, rolling his hips against Castiels in a motion that had Castiel gasping.

“Suck on these for a minute” he demanded.

Castiel complied, sucking on Dean’s fingers. He knew what they were going to do, every cell in his body was crying out to be fucked by Dean – he knew if anyone ever found out it would be the end of everything he’d worked for in this town, but he felt crazy with lust and couldn’t stop himself now. Dean pulled his fingers from Castiels mouth and reached down between his legs, pushing them up inside him and working them around. Castiel’s back arched and his mouth fell open as he gasped at the sensation. Dean enjoyed watching the way Castiel trembled and panted for breath as his ass was worked and stretched by Dean’s searching fingers. It wasn’t long before he was begging.

“Dean.. please.. I’m ready.. fuck me, please!” he begged. 

Dean looked down at him, an unfathomable expression on his face, seeming more remote and yet beautiful than Castiel could bear.

“You want me, Cas? Want me to fuck you? Think you’re ready for me?”

And with that he pulled his fingers out, pushed Castiels legs further apart and lowered himself until Castiel could feel him right at the rim. With a slow, agonisingly erotic movement, he gradually pushed himself full length into Castiel, and began to rock in a steady thrusting motion. Castiel felt like he was going to choke again, or cry again, it felt so perfect – he wanted more. It didn’t feel like he could get enough of Dean, his hands had to touch him, running over his hair, his neck , his shoulders, down his back to cup his ass, across his taut belly, feeling every movement that Dean made. He hooked his legs around Dean, digging his heels in, trying to force him to thrust harder.

“Please!” he gasped “do it harder! I want to feel you fuck me hard!”

Dean complied, rocking into Castiel with a hard, driving motion, his own breath coming in harsh gasps. The only sounds in the room were the bed squeaking, the slapping of flesh coming together and the heavy breathing and moans of the two men. Listening to Cas’s cries of pleasure was driving Dean closer and closer to the edge.

“God, Cas.. I’m not going to last long…” he panted.

“Then grab my cock, Dean – I want to come with you” slurred Castiel, totally lost in passion.

Dean’s hand ran down Castiel’s body and gripped his cock with a firm and sure hold – he began to jerk Castiel with a rhythm increasing in speed with his own thrusts, and Castiel felt that sweet sensation as the feel of Dean inside him, and pulling on his cock combined to drive him to his limit – he couldn’t hold out any longer, and as his orgasm built and finally erupted from him, he cried out loud, jackknifing helplessly in Dean’s hold – and only vaguely heard through the drumming of his own blood in his ears, the sound of Dean crying out with his own orgasm, and felt him thrusting so deep it seemed like they could never part again. Castiel felt wetness on his face and realised that he was crying again – it had been so good he felt as if he’d touched heaven – coming back to earth felt painful. Dean was slumped on top of him, his breathing gradually slowing – Castiel could feel Dean’s heartbeat like a sledgehammer against his ribs – and then the shock of what they'd done, the consequences it could have, hit him and he cried out.

“Christ help me – what have I done?!”

He felt Dean’s body go rigid on top of him, and then Dean rolled off, ending up on his back beside Castiel with his arm across his eyes.

“Cas – don’t do this again – please!” Dean sounded as if he might be fighting back tears. “That was fuckin’ amazing, Cas – I’ve never had it like that with anyone else! Don’t do this, man.”

 

Dean and Castiel sit at the cheap table in the motel room. The sheets are rumpled on the bed – Castiel finds his eyes straying to it, and wrenches them away, embarrassed. Dean is drinking whiskey from the bottle, his eyes red-rimmed. Both men are fully dressed again, and Castiel has spent some time in the bathroom, washing every trace of Dean from his body.

“So.. what? They’re homophobic here in Illinois?” growls Dean, breaking the tense silence between them.

Castiel shifts uncomfortably, the memory of Dean fresh between his legs.

“Not homophobic, no.. not exactly. But my church is very conservative. And I’m not gay, Dean. I’ve never found myself attracted to another man. It’s just you, for some reason… and you have to understand, I’m a religious leader. Can you imagine what would happen to my reputation here if it became known that I’d had sex outside my marriage? Let alone with a man? No-one would ever send their sons to my Bible camps, at the very least. I’d lose my wife.. my daughter.”

Dean lets out a crack of laughter, the sound is harsh enough to make Castiel wince.

“I’m not gay, either, Cas. It’s just you, for some reason,” he parrots, and Castiel winces again. “There’s been plenty of women between then and now – there were plenty before you. It’s just.. shit, I can’t explain it. It just feels like we’re meant to be. Meant to be together. And not just for fucking, but for.. I don’t know, stuff people do together. Make a life, maybe.” 

Castiel’s mind fills with the picture of what life would be like if he gave everything up and went away with Dean. The temptation of it nearly rips him apart, but he owes it to Amelia and Claire – not to shame them, not to leave them with a burden so heavy it crushes the life from them.

“I have to go, Dean. I’m sorry I came here – I’m sorry I was weak. Whatever you and Sammy are doing here, I hope – I have to hope – we won’t bump into each other again. I have to live my life the way I’ve chosen - I can’t hurt my wife and daughter the way I…” and he tails off.

“The way you hurt me?” answers Dean with a sardonic smile. “The way you hurt me when you left me at Bobby’s, fifteen years ago? I thought I was going out of my mind, Cas.. to fall in love? Me? And with a dude? Just one weekend, like a dream of heaven, and you left me flat for some chick,” he shakes his head. “ I swore I wouldn’t let you or anyone else under my skin again – but I saw you across the restaurant.. and..” He breaks off and sighs.

Castiel flares into anger.

“Didn’t you think it was hard for me too? To leave you, after all you were to me? But I was already engaged to Amelia! She thought she was pregnant! The shame of it, in our church, to have had sex before marriage? You can’t begin to understand what it would have been like for her! I had to go – and when we found there was no baby, after we were married, how could I have left her and come back to you?! And, soon enough, there was a baby – how could I leave then? We had one weekend, Dean. I’d known Amelia most of my life – I couldn’t do that to her.”

Dean is smiling at him with his lopsided grin, almost masking the hurt he so obviously feels.

“Did you love me? Do you love her?” he asks.

Castiel’s shoulders slump as he replies,

“Yes. And I don’t know. I know that what I feel for her doesn’t remotely resemble what I feel for you, but love wears many disguises. I love you, Dean, God help me.. but I can never be with you.”

And he rises from the chair, turns and walks out of the door, closing it firmly behind him. Dean hears his car door opening, hears the car start up and pull away. He stares blankly at the door as he drinks deeply from the bottle of whiskey.

“Well, shit.” He says to himself, quietly.

 

Castiel Novak sits in his breakfast nook, the fall sunshine highlighting the tired lines on his face. His wife silently puts his breakfast and the morning paper in front of him – she hasn’t spoken much since he came home last night in such a strange mood. He opens the paper and shakes it straight as he takes his first forkful of eggs – which turns to ashes in his mouth as he reads the headline.  
“Drifter found dead in local motel room. Suicide suspected, brother distraught.”


End file.
